The Week in Tory

Serious Black, Montag, 31. Januar 2022, 15:31 (vor 1026 Tagen) @ Serious Black

#SueGrey is imminent, so I'll do a quick #TheWeekInTory for the stuff that will be drowned out

1. The Tories celebrated 2nd anniversary of Brexit, which costs us £800m a week

2. The Tories then celebrated a huge new trade deal with Greenland, which makes us £6m a year

3. Startled haddock Michael Gove asked for "Christian forgiveness" over Johnson running a frat-house in 10 Downing Street

4. This was the latest in a series of excuses, which I will now remind you of in a sub-thread

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a. No party happened

b. It happened but wasn’t a party

c. It was a party but wasn’t organised

d. It was organised by nobody told me it broke rules

e. It broke rules but I didn’t know the rules

f. OK fine, I wrote those rules, but I thought it was a business meeting

g. After 25 minutes watching people drink from a suitcase, play on swings, and do a DJ did a set, I worked out it might not be a business meeting

h. I didn’t kill the stripper [OK, I made that up, but would it shock you?]

i. I’ve done nothing wrong

j. I have apologised to the Queen for "doing nothing wrong"

k. I have also apologised to parliament for "doing nothing wrong"

l. This is disproportionate

m. I am a big dog who dominates his party

n. Quick, everybody shout a stupid policy, cos I need saving

o. My child was poorly with Covid, now take your fucking mask off in school, it’s safe

p. My wife made me do it

q. WAR WAR WAR

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5. Anyway, Brave Sir Boris is NOT running away, simply flying to Ukraine so he can [checks notes] make a phone call to Putin

6. Liz Truss, Maggie Thatcher from Elizabeth Duke, announced sanctions hitting Kremlin money in UK companies

7. Sanctions will not hit Kremlin money in the Tory Party

8. US officials expressed "dismay and frustration" at Russian money still "entrenched" in our governing party

9. So that’s this year's (first) embarrassing foreign disaster dealt with – now onto last year’s embarrassing foreign disaster: Afghanistan

10. A report found the PM's chief of staff skipped tackling the withdrawal from Kabul cos he wanted to go and watch the cricket

11. Johnson insisted he hadn’t authorised saving pets instead of humans from Kabul

12. Emails showed he had

13. So now the govt says officials often write the PMs instructions for him, while the PM has no idea what’s going on

14. Is it bad that I find that slightly reassuring?

15. Stoned halibut Michael Gove announced a new £1.5 bn "levelling up" fund, which amounts to £3 per person per week. We're rich!

16. Except it’s not new money, so actually amounts to £0

17. 2m "red wall" households expecting to level up will be the worst hit by Tory tax rises

18. Tories announced a multimillion £ cut of all the "Brexit red tape" they had promised would never happen

19. 4 months ago they spent £335 million to fund red tape Brexit caused in Northern Ireland, which they are now cancelling

20. But they can't cancel it, cos it's EU rules

21. Tories wasted £2.7 billion ordering PPE that didn’t work and got a warning for "extreme negligence on an industrial scale"

22. 20% of govt Covid contracts in 2020/21 raised a "red flag" for corruption using internationally recognized standards

23. Bewitched trellis Theresa May said "nobody is above the law". Sure

24. The Met dropped corruption charges against Johnson, a one-man game of shag, marry, avoid, for lack of evidence over Jennifer Arcuri

25. Arcuri then released 100 pages of evidence police didn’t look for

26. The Met division where Sajid Javid’s brother is a senior officer told Sue Gray her report into parties could **not mention parties**

27. Rishi Sunak told the UK’s National Crime Agency to “butt out” of investigating Covid fraud

28. And researchers found the Johnson administration "more corrupt than any UK govt" since the study began in 1945

29. So that’s nobody being above the law, is it?

30. Plague update: last week the govt cancelled masks in schools to get Johnson out of trouble for 15 minutes

31. Infections soared, and now 415,000 kids are off sick with Covid

32. So a week later, masks are back in schools and Johnson is still in trouble

33. Only 3 months after its vaccine policy drove 40,000 workers out of care homes, the govt did a U-turn on vaccines

34. It then changed Universal Credit rules to force people to go and work, ideally in care homes

35. And MI5 were asked to investigate "security risk" Boris Johnson after it was found he often left top secret papers "lying around his flat" during his illegal parties

https://twitter.com/RussInCheshire/status/1488114841571278848